A lawyer got married to a woman who had previously been married 12 times. On their wedding
night, they settled into the bridal suite at their hotel and the bride said to her new groom, "Please,
promise to be gentle. I am still a virgin. This puzzled the groom, since after 12 marriages, he thought
that at least one of her husbands would have been able to perform. He asked his new bride to explain
the phenomenon. She responded: My first husband was a Sales Representative who spent our entire
marriage telling me, in grandiose terms, 'It's gonna be great! My second husband was from Software
Services; he was never quite sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he would send me
documentation. My third husband was from Field Services and constantly said that everything was
diagnostically OK, but he just couldn't get the system up. My fourth husband was from Educational
Services, and he simply said, 'Those who can, do; those who can't, teach. My fifth husband was from
the Telemarketing Department and said that he had the orders, but he wasn't quite sure when he was
going to be able to deliver. My sixth husband was an Engineer. He told me that he understood the
basic process but needed three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art
method. My seventh husband was from Finance and Administration. His comments were that he knew
how, but he just wasn't sure whether it was his job. My eighth husband was from Standards and
Regulations and told me that he was up to the standards but that regulations said nothing about how
to do it. My ninth husband was a Marketing Manager. He said, 'I know I have the product. I'm just
not sure how to position it. My tenth husband was a psychiatrist, and all he ever wanted to do was
talk about it. My eleventh husband was a gynecologist, and all he ever wanted to do was look at it.
My twelfth husband was a stamp collector, and all he ever wanted to do was -- God I miss him! So
now I have married a lawyer, so I know I'm going to get screwed.
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